feed me seymour

Colton is going through some sort of crazy growth spurt. That or he has a tape worm. The kid is eating everything and anything. He begged me to order pizza yesterday (& who doesn't love pizza right?) then he ate FOUR pieces. I tried to cut him off at 2 but he insisted starvation was inevitable if he didn't consume bread and cheese immediately...If it's this bad at 2...whats it gonna be like when he's 16 and Nolans 14? I'm thinking I'll start stock piling pop tarts and Doritos now.

Creeper TV Characters

Colton has been on a Bob the Builder kick here recently...Its an alright show. But this one character gives me the heebeejeebies

His name is spud. Look away if you need to take a moment.

Why? Why? Why? Did they decide to add his character to a construction show with talking trucks?

This got me thinking about other TV characters that make me uneasy...examples:

 

 

In the wee hours of the morning Nick Jr. likes to play the show Oswald. It. Is. Scary. Disagree? Take a little looksie...

The seal is OK, weenie the dog..eh no biggie. Now please notice the pumpkin head man. He's not the worst. See those paper people in the background? Yeah they're alive.

 

 

I love Sesame Street just as much as the next 80's baby, but you have to admit...

If you ran into this guy at 2 years old you'd freak.

 

 

Which brings me to The Muppets. Honestly I'm not a fan.

Not appealing.

 

 

What about an oldie but a goodie? Mr. Rogers. I have no issue with Senor` Rogers. He rocks. Its his demon puppet Lady Elaine that has inspired plenty of nightmares.

WHYYYYY????

 

Then his human always on the run delivery man/child snatcher

Mr. Mcfeely

nuff said.

 

 

Last but not least is one childhood show we all wish we could forget. Be warned  what you are about to see is disturbing. Mature audiences only.

 

 1 in 3 readers just slammed their laptops shut.

 

 

 

rambles and such

Brandon and I recently stumbled into a conversation about "weird" kids and how different our upbringings were. I never considered my childhood as being different from the norm up until recently. Apparently having a rock collection as a 12 year old girl is not the thing to do. Who knew? By the way, I still have that collection at my moms house and it includes fossilized dinosaur poop. I dare you to say that's not wicked awesome. I also didn't learn to ride a bike until I was 11. Yes ELEVEN. He discovered this while we were vacationing and I attempted to ride on sandy terrain. Car. Car. BRAKE LEIGH ANN BRAKE!  (insert me jumping off and putting the kick stand down...) Per Brandon it is also not usual practice for one to watch The Exorcist in 4th grade or know all the lyrics to every song from The King & I by age 7. Hmm...

My husbands childhood was slightly picturesque. His parents are still married, he grew up on a farm, he ate his pets...SAY WHAAA??? Yeah round the apartment communities I dwelled in growing up we did not have a Bessie milk cow and Pete the dinner steer. nah ah. Brandon also drove a car to the bus stop and has been dove hunting.
True story: We would have meet eventually had our paths not crossed when they did. His Granny and Paw Paw and my Pa Pa Bill grew up together in the same orphanage.  They have literally known each other majority of their lives and have remained friends sharing stories and pictures of Brandon and I throughout all these years. We had no clue when we started dating until Granny put two and two together a few weeks into the relationship. Small world :)

Given our very different (but the same) backgrounds we still agree on our parenting Do's and Don'ts: No, they will not watch life changing terrifying movies at the age of 10. Nor will they have a pet cow (maybe a chicken). Nolan better like rocks because I'm leaving them to him in the will. They'll have to share custody of the dino poop. They're going to ride bikes and even learn to roller blade before middle school. When asked if they can drive a stick shift they will say yes!

and they will be productive members of society who love and respect others and all that good stuff too....

The REAL most wonderful time???

I really enjoy Halloween. In fact, out of all the holidays I might enjoy Halloween the most. Not for the usual reasons either. Candy is great. Dressing up is fun. Placing my children in a pumpkin patch awkwardly and taking photos is WAY up there on my idea of a good time. Honestly, I really like Halloween because of one thing; It is NOT overwhelming.

I have crashed and burned every Thanksgiving and Christmas since the age of 3.

Why? you say. The holidays are a joyful time full of family togetherness and wonderful imaginings! Every feel good feeling wrapped in shiny paper with a bow!!!

Yeah...no. Every major holiday I have had the privilege of going not to one. not to two. but to at the very least three places to eat drink and be merry. I get so excited and so exhausted all at once that eventually I crash. Like seriously I have a melt down. As in puffy faced crying while eating pumpkin pie speeding down the interstate meltdown. Its go big or go home when it comes to my crazy lady style. My poor kids will one day understand that mommy isn't crying because shes filled with the Christmas spirit...meh. Disclaimer: All family readers, Don't think I do not enjoy our family and the majority of our time together please. I really do!

Halloween on the other hand has zero expectations. Do we see every member of our family on Oct. 31st? Nope! Do we plan and plan for 2 months ahead of time and make elaborate laminated schedules of what we will be doing all day long? Heck no! We go about our daily business, dress the kids up, snap a few photos on the porch and trick or treat the night away. This year Brandon and Colton will be doing the leg work, while Nolan helps me pass out candy. When they return with their spoils we'll inspect and make sure to taste test (making sure Brandon and I eat the poisonous candy of course...a selfless act for the good of the children....) Then we can go to bed. The end. Its over. We don't have to return numerous decorations to the attic. There are no toys. Thank you Lord there are no toys...Just cute pics, the memory of a relaxing fun evening, and that. is. it. I know I know BAH HUMBUG! 

Tired...

Today I am tired. Yesterday I was tired. Tomorrow I will be...tired. Why am I so sleepy? Is it because I'm training for a 5k? umm no. Perhaps I've been working exhausting hours and spending all my free time making homemade Halloween wreaths for the neighborhood? Yeah freaking right. No it is absolutely not of my own doing that I am to the point of collapsing. It is that of the one and only Colton.

A couple nights ago I was awoken at 2 AM by a toddlers cry in my room saying "mama I NEEeeeeeeD water" then an oh so helpful "love nudge" by Brandon (aka him rolling over and saying get the kid some water.) The next night I was snapped back to reality by a toddlers icy cold feet. They just so happened to be karate kicking me in the throat...details details After regaining consciousness, I remembered that I had not put said toddler in our bed. sneaky mcsneakster

The pattern has continued and I'm on the verge of barricading myself in the bathroom and sleeping in the tub. Truth. This morning I woke up in a dino bed all by my lonesome. I vaguely remember a tiny elbow edging me off the bed and then stumbling into the dinoriffic room...Somethings gotta give. This is soooo not gonna fly once I get a solid 8 hours and can think straight!

Buried alive

I have been a brat lately. When we moved into our house in 2008 it was just us and the dog. Our 3 bedroom 2 bath was HUGE. The 2 guest rooms were hardly ever in use and the carpet in those bedrooms was flawlessly clean.

Now I thank God we have hardwoods or tile throughout the rest of the house. When we had Colton it was an eye opening experience. Not just to the whole being parents thing, but to the amount of stuff a 4lb person could need. It was overwhelming but manageable. No biggie. Then came along Nolan who bless his punkin has all of his brothers baby toys and clothes. Of course Colton has a bunch of big boy toys and clothes in their place. Stuff. Just stuff everywhere.

I have been quick to say were moving. I need a garage and a bonus room or I'm gonna flip yada yada. But honestly, all we would probably do is add more stuff to the extra square footage. Not to mention the outer rim of hell experience selling a house with 2 babies living in it would be. So were gonna tough it out for at least another few years. I don't imagine myself living in this house, as it is, with my husband and 2 giant teenagers...but who knows? Brandon has that whole degree in construction management thing so perhaps we'll add a lovely bonus room. That's all. I'm done. Told you I'm being a brat.

Go. To. Bed.

You've all seen the dino-riffic room. The roaring good time lamp, the stellar stegosaurus nightlight...and of course the big boy t-rex super charged safety gate on the side big boy bed. Did I mention that the bed is a queen size? Umm yes. My 2 year old sleeps in a queen size bed. I thought it was a full. Brandon knew it wasnt. Its a long story, but in the end we were both right. Sort of.

Colton has discovered that, minus a few pillows, his bed is large enough to snugly fit our entire family. My life is now over. Every night that kid is yelling for me to come lay down and rub his back. Bring him some water. Sing the sun go down song!!! Anything to get me into the room so he can catapult himself in a body slam effort to get me to sleep in his ginormous bed. UGHHHH.

Not only will he get you with his just a minute mama trickery...he will climb right out of his bed, open any door or climb over any type of God dont let their be a fire babygate system you can rig. March himself right up to you and promptly demand a back rub in his dino room! No amount of coaxing or timeouts will change his mind. You know that lady at the wal mart who is threatening to beat the hell out of her kid? Yeah you know the one. I used to look at her in disgust and shake my head while silently praying for that poor kids future to be brighter than the state pen...umm yeah. I get it. I will not be pushed to the brink of threatening to beat him. But I get it crazy wal mart mama.



perhaps I should have tried this before disassembling the crib.....

 

public service announcement

PSA for all potential newcomers:

Here in the beautiful state of North Carolina we enjoy a subtropical climate all spring, summer and sometimes well into the fall. Never heard NC called subtropical? Well it is. Feel free to Google you fact checker.

NC is equipped with mountains, the beach and disney world is only an 8 hour drive south. Were in a good spot. Except for one thing. If you've never lived anywhere humid or more specifically in the general area of the southeast. Please do not decide to move out our way in the middle of August.

I don't care that you're from Arizona. I don't care that you spent a year living in the Sahara desert...hunger games style! It gets too hot even for the native North Carolinians to go to the pool this time of year. Therefore, you as a newcomer, will pour sweat just walking from your house to the car. I fear you might not venture outdoors for a couple months after taking your family on a Sunday outdoor picnic at exactly noon. When you do resurface, and you eventually will, equipped with claritin and an inhaler of course. I will be forced to hear you complain in your Massachusetts accent that humidity is just wrong while we get our frizzy manes tamed. Humidity and hair is a whole other issue. I'll just say that unless you believe the bigger the hair the closer to Jesus. You're in for a rough time.

animal people

I am not an animal person. I love my dog but I am not quick to "ooh and ahh" over a cute puppy. This doesn't mean I don't like animals. I certainly do like animals, from a distance. While babysitting a friends kids we took a trip to the science center. I wouldnt allow them to visit the petting zoo (they told on me since it was, of course, the only thing they could remember about our trip). You can imagine my reaction to the state fair date Brandon planned in our early dating stage...
Certain people have certain pets or a lack of pets. In my mind this is how I categorize pets and their people:


*Cat people. Sometimes you aren't aware you are in the presence of a cat person, until they corner you for 30 minutes at a party just to show off their 5 cats on instagram. This is a true story. Also, it is a proven fact that felines like fresh meat and are likely to eat you if you die alone in your house with them. Not myth. Fact! I come from a long line of crazy cat ladies so it's inevitable I will accept my fate one of these days...

(Oliver)

*Dog people. (obviously the coolest)  I personally have doggie stranger danger and do not approach anything bigger than me that could potentially rip off my face. I think dogs are the most like humans with their different personalities. Some are nice and jolly. Others are bat shit crazy with daddy issues. Dog owners may have other animals, but their dog is the favorite.
*Bonus: all dogs go to heaven.
Horse people are typically dog people too so we'll lump them into the cool category. In 7th grade a horse mistook a girls finger for a carrot and nearly bit it off in front of me. I don't ride horses but I will look at them from afar. aka on the TV.


*People who don't have and/or do not like pets. This includes people who had childhood pets that are now deceased or still live with mom and dad. Those who want a future pet, think domesticating animals is cruel, basically anybody who doesn't take care of another living creature (not including children) in their home. Fish owners are included in this category too. I'm not hating on your goldfish btw I just don't count them in the real pet category, move on. Not tropical fish or multiple fish in an aquarium though (see bird people)

"I think I'll name you Mr. Snuggles!"

*Bird people. Bird people tend to also be lizard/guinea pig/rabbit/expensive fish/pet snake people. You usually have to own some other type of gateway pet before jumping into the bird category.
Brandon had a pet lizard before we moved in together. I gave it to a 6 yr old boy for his birthday while he was at work.



*Spider and exotic bug people. Don't get into the van no matter how tasty the candy looks.

ch-ch-ch-ch changes

I am a waitress extraordinaire no more. I got a really good offer to return to pediatrics for a seasonal flu clinic gig. I don't talk smack about my kiddos so you'll probably never hear mention of the new job, but I'm happy to return to a field that I actually know what I'm doing in...I will cherish my 2.5 months spent serving steak and potatoes to overzealous roll lovers. BTW those jokers are over 300 calories a piece and I personally witnessed one superstar consume TWELVE before her dinner arrived.

I do know someone who would be glad to take your order...

I'm weird, but you're weirder

Everyone has something odd about them. I have a friend who has to rinse her glass before drinking a cup of water from it. Brandon can't stand certain noises, he says they "make his teeth hurt." A lady I used to work with insisted that things must be filed in front of the tab instead of behind. Certain family members of mine chew on soft plastic...like straws and tags...children often go through phases where all they'll eat are things that are orange or have ketchup on them. I'm not going to tell you what makes me weird because it's a lot weirder than the things I've already mentioned. Everybody has something odd that bothers them or they have to do, in order to maintain a level of comfort in a chaotic world.

While working the other evening I had an openly super weirdo chic come in apparently just to spread the wackadoo love. She ordered a brownie for dinner, only to tell me when I brought it to her that indeed she does not like brownies. mmmk (Take note: no sane person refuses a brownie.) Then she got very serious and asked if she could keep a steak knife from the table. say whaaa? My initial reaction was to say "yeah, NO you weirdo wackadoo. Why in the world would you want to take that knife if not to commit some hanus crime while NOT eating a brownie???" Instead I pretended it wasn't a big deal and that people ask me all the time if they can remove a potential weapon from the restuarant for free ninety nine. My manager, who I would imagine during his 10 years in restaurant management has seen and heard some pretty out there stuff, shrugged me off saying "eh just give her the knife." mmmk...


My Favorite Brownie "Recipe":

Betty Crockers Brownie Mix

1/2 cup plain low fat yogurt

2 large eggs

1/4 cup water

To prepare mix add 2 eggs, 1/4 cup of water and 1/2 cup of yogurt. NO OIL! Follow baking directions on the box and voila! Low fat delicious brownies that only the weirds will turn down.

quarter life crisis

No cute WW post today. Its my birthday. meh

In my mind I will forever be a 21 year old who still looks 18 and wayyy too young to be a wife and mother. In reality I am 25 today. I look 25. I have a mortgage and two little people who rely on me. I need to get a grip.

When did this happen? It seems like yesterday I was waking up on my best friends moms kitchen floor with a sticky bun stuck to my hair. Having only $2 in quarters to fill up my 1996 pontiac sunfires gas tank was no biggie. Time seriously flies. You fall in love with a nice guy and the next thing you know you're tripping over tricycles...

I am resolving to own this. My name is Leigh Ann and I am a 25 year old wife and mommy! I drive a kia with not only one, but two carseats and 3 strollers in the back. I am a better person now than I ever was at 18. Not only have I stopped wearing eating sticky buns, but I have accomplished more than I could have ever thought possible.

Sometimes we don't even know we want something until it's ours. Life is good and I'm grateful for the amazing 25 years I've had and am looking forward to the next 25. Also, any suggestions on anti-aging creams are welcome.

Weighing the issues

I used to be fat. Not morbidly obese fat, but chunky monkey fat. I was always a thin kid but around 8th grade I started packing on pounds and by the time I was 19 I was large and in charge. Fast Forward 4 years and a couple weight watchers meetings and you'll find me at a MUCH smaller size. I wasnt the most attractive at this size either. My head looked too big for my body.
Then I got preggers with Nolan at 24 and now I'm about 5-8 lbs away from being where I need to be. Aka not with a big head and a little body, but a thin maintainable size.

My job is helping me reach this goal in an amazingly short amount of time. You see, our a/c is useless. Its 98 degrees and humid here. If the earth had an armpit, NC would be it this time of year. I run around sweating profusely, which I'm sure is extremely appetizing looking to our patrons, for about 4-5 hours a night 4 times a week. I literally was starting to feel sick by the end of my shifts b/c of the heat and sweat. (I know this is gross). So I decided to do a little experiment. I weighed myself right before my shift and then weighed right after. I lost 3 lbs in 4 hours. No wonder I was feeling sick!

So now I have a new game plan. It involves consuming copious amounts of ice water and our walk in freezer. By the time Summer's over that freezer will not only be the coldest place in NC, but the tidiest!

When the machines turn on us...

I'm for the most part anti-technology. This is pretty rare for someone my age and I'm sorry to be such a disgrace fellow 1987ers.  I know how to work the DVD player and text but that's about it. I don't have one of those smart phones because I've read I, Robot and and don't trust them...also I can't figure out anything that doesn't have real buttons. Touch screens bother me. We have touch screens at the restaurant I work at. You can blame them for your steamed veggies instead of the sweet potato fries. PS> Eat the darn veggies, the universe is sending you a message.


I loved my walkman. It played my Alanis Morissette "Jagged Little Pill" cassette perfectly and when it came unraveled all I needed was a pencil eraser. I was even receptive to the CD player. Hanson sounded just as good on my CD I purchased from a real store. Oddly "Mmm Bop" sounds no different when the CD is scratched...I don't have an I-pod because obviously that is wayyy above my level of touch screen ability.


DVDs ticked me off b/c my entire Disney collection is on VHS. Those scrooges at Disney created "The Vault" so that it would take me 5 years to build my collection back up to what it was...only for Blu-Ray to come around. Not only am I not supporting that btw, but I'm protesting. Its a silent protest that I do every time I go to Wal Mart and pass the electronics department. I will not yield!


We have HD TV because my husband swears up and down there's a difference between that and the regular channels were already paying for. Whatever. And whats up with the bunny ears needing a converter box? I can use the laptop to social network. I can even type 60 wpm with 3 errors or less because #1) I'm in my 20's and #2) I enjoyed AOL instant messenger as an adolescent. For blatantly obvious reasons, I cannot use an I-pad. 


So now this whole blog thing has come up and guys...its not as simple as I had assumed. Do you know what HTML format is? I mean I'm sure if you are a peer of mine you know from school what it is, but do you know how to use it? You probably do. However, me being me..I do not. My blog now has an about me tab, an awesome background (by my standards), a personalized button with personalized html stuff underneath it to share on other blogs...Holy Moly! It's 2012 folks...with this new found confidence I might even try and use the Redbox reserve feature! 

Its not broken..but here's a cast anyway

I hate adult medicine. Let me elaborate...I hate urgent care adult medicine. If you don't already know, before my exciting days as a mom/waitress extraordinaire I worked as a medical assistant in pediatrics for four years. During this time I would see countless kids with common colds (and crazy mamas) get turned away with no antibiotics because...well...they had a common cold and antibiotics weren't gonna cure it. There is a difference between viral infections and bacterial infections. 
Now, you're saying to yourself "well it can't hurt to just take the antibiotics even if they won't help...just as a precautionary measure." WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!! Every time you take antibiotics when they aren’t needed or don’t complete a course of antibiotics, you help to create bacteria that are drug-resistant and spread from person to person, country to country. Way to go you anti-global citizen! :P


Recently I jumped into a cesspool of narsty mcnasty toddler carrier monkey germs. At the local Mcdonalds Playplace. Fun times. I of course am now sick with some sort of exotic disease that thrives only in areas rich with french fry oil and kids sweaty feet.  


Fast forward to me dying this morning. I sauntered into the local Urgent Care wearing my best pair of pajama pants (aka the ones with only one baby puke stain). Waited in the arctic tundra of a waiting room for an hour. Waited in the closet  room that was approximately 2 degrees hotter than the surface of the sun for another 45 minutes. But ya know whatever. I'm cool with it. Until Dr. ashnouernkjashdiygdfweknlofh, I didn't actually catch his name during his breeze by, came in.


Dr. ajalidufhijnfkjhdijhfdskjkaj: "You have kids right?" 


me: "yes..."


Dr. ajdfohdfjafhsodfjodjfiuhksj: "Ok heres your prescription for your antibiotics, do you need anything for pain?"


me: "no thanks. I don't deal drugs."


Dr. aiuhdsfjhisduijlkjaiuhkdliol: (Not shaken one bit)"Alrighty then."


The End. 


Although I could swear I heard him mutter "carrier monkeys..." as he left the room...