Waitress extraordinaire returns?

I've been spotted. A patients mom gave me the slight stink eye and asked me if I have a sister or a part-time job waiting tables.

errr I did.

Thought so. Then silence....

I can say for certain that she was absolutely not the wackadoo knife lady. But I can't honestly remember if she was one of the 20,000 roll loving ladies or someone I spilled ranch dressing on. I don't think she was the one who left me a note saying I was insensitive for suggesting she leave off the cheese and croutons. She said she was dieting!!! I was just being helpful darn it!

ch-ch-ch-ch changes

I am a waitress extraordinaire no more. I got a really good offer to return to pediatrics for a seasonal flu clinic gig. I don't talk smack about my kiddos so you'll probably never hear mention of the new job, but I'm happy to return to a field that I actually know what I'm doing in...I will cherish my 2.5 months spent serving steak and potatoes to overzealous roll lovers. BTW those jokers are over 300 calories a piece and I personally witnessed one superstar consume TWELVE before her dinner arrived.

I do know someone who would be glad to take your order...

I'm weird, but you're weirder

Everyone has something odd about them. I have a friend who has to rinse her glass before drinking a cup of water from it. Brandon can't stand certain noises, he says they "make his teeth hurt." A lady I used to work with insisted that things must be filed in front of the tab instead of behind. Certain family members of mine chew on soft plastic...like straws and tags...children often go through phases where all they'll eat are things that are orange or have ketchup on them. I'm not going to tell you what makes me weird because it's a lot weirder than the things I've already mentioned. Everybody has something odd that bothers them or they have to do, in order to maintain a level of comfort in a chaotic world.

While working the other evening I had an openly super weirdo chic come in apparently just to spread the wackadoo love. She ordered a brownie for dinner, only to tell me when I brought it to her that indeed she does not like brownies. mmmk (Take note: no sane person refuses a brownie.) Then she got very serious and asked if she could keep a steak knife from the table. say whaaa? My initial reaction was to say "yeah, NO you weirdo wackadoo. Why in the world would you want to take that knife if not to commit some hanus crime while NOT eating a brownie???" Instead I pretended it wasn't a big deal and that people ask me all the time if they can remove a potential weapon from the restuarant for free ninety nine. My manager, who I would imagine during his 10 years in restaurant management has seen and heard some pretty out there stuff, shrugged me off saying "eh just give her the knife." mmmk...


My Favorite Brownie "Recipe":

Betty Crockers Brownie Mix

1/2 cup plain low fat yogurt

2 large eggs

1/4 cup water

To prepare mix add 2 eggs, 1/4 cup of water and 1/2 cup of yogurt. NO OIL! Follow baking directions on the box and voila! Low fat delicious brownies that only the weirds will turn down.

I don't appreciate your tone

I've been using my shouty voice a lot more than usual with the big one. I raise it up an octave when he tells me in a whisper "hush hush mommy" while I'm scooping bath toys out of the toilet. I know that I am very lucky, and have ah-mazing little boys. But man is it ever hard to get through the days with only inside voices.

Now that I'm out and about in the working world a few hours a week...I've noticed that my shouty voice has kind of carried over.  For example while waiting for my tables food to come out of the window:

(normal tone) "whats the time on my cheesesticks?" 

No response. Intentional back turn.

(Shouty voice/possible finger pointing) "Where are my cheesesticks? I've been watching you for 10 minutes mister and I know that you know I'm waiting on them!"

The difference is instead of a sweet little cherub looking back at me with an apologetic face, I get a sweaty guy telling me to "chill lady."

By far and away the worst habit I can't break in an adult setting is referring to the restroom as "the potty." Nothing ruins your street cred faster than telling your General Manager you need to go potty...

Weighing the issues

I used to be fat. Not morbidly obese fat, but chunky monkey fat. I was always a thin kid but around 8th grade I started packing on pounds and by the time I was 19 I was large and in charge. Fast Forward 4 years and a couple weight watchers meetings and you'll find me at a MUCH smaller size. I wasnt the most attractive at this size either. My head looked too big for my body.
Then I got preggers with Nolan at 24 and now I'm about 5-8 lbs away from being where I need to be. Aka not with a big head and a little body, but a thin maintainable size.

My job is helping me reach this goal in an amazingly short amount of time. You see, our a/c is useless. Its 98 degrees and humid here. If the earth had an armpit, NC would be it this time of year. I run around sweating profusely, which I'm sure is extremely appetizing looking to our patrons, for about 4-5 hours a night 4 times a week. I literally was starting to feel sick by the end of my shifts b/c of the heat and sweat. (I know this is gross). So I decided to do a little experiment. I weighed myself right before my shift and then weighed right after. I lost 3 lbs in 4 hours. No wonder I was feeling sick!

So now I have a new game plan. It involves consuming copious amounts of ice water and our walk in freezer. By the time Summer's over that freezer will not only be the coldest place in NC, but the tidiest!

AMEN!

Five bucks on a $100 check? That's ok. We'll pray for you. While were at it, we'll say a few words for your diet coke guzzling son and his sugar packet throwing cuteness 2 yr old too.

And all of Gods peeps said.....

When the machines turn on us...

I'm for the most part anti-technology. This is pretty rare for someone my age and I'm sorry to be such a disgrace fellow 1987ers.  I know how to work the DVD player and text but that's about it. I don't have one of those smart phones because I've read I, Robot and and don't trust them...also I can't figure out anything that doesn't have real buttons. Touch screens bother me. We have touch screens at the restaurant I work at. You can blame them for your steamed veggies instead of the sweet potato fries. PS> Eat the darn veggies, the universe is sending you a message.


I loved my walkman. It played my Alanis Morissette "Jagged Little Pill" cassette perfectly and when it came unraveled all I needed was a pencil eraser. I was even receptive to the CD player. Hanson sounded just as good on my CD I purchased from a real store. Oddly "Mmm Bop" sounds no different when the CD is scratched...I don't have an I-pod because obviously that is wayyy above my level of touch screen ability.


DVDs ticked me off b/c my entire Disney collection is on VHS. Those scrooges at Disney created "The Vault" so that it would take me 5 years to build my collection back up to what it was...only for Blu-Ray to come around. Not only am I not supporting that btw, but I'm protesting. Its a silent protest that I do every time I go to Wal Mart and pass the electronics department. I will not yield!


We have HD TV because my husband swears up and down there's a difference between that and the regular channels were already paying for. Whatever. And whats up with the bunny ears needing a converter box? I can use the laptop to social network. I can even type 60 wpm with 3 errors or less because #1) I'm in my 20's and #2) I enjoyed AOL instant messenger as an adolescent. For blatantly obvious reasons, I cannot use an I-pad. 


So now this whole blog thing has come up and guys...its not as simple as I had assumed. Do you know what HTML format is? I mean I'm sure if you are a peer of mine you know from school what it is, but do you know how to use it? You probably do. However, me being me..I do not. My blog now has an about me tab, an awesome background (by my standards), a personalized button with personalized html stuff underneath it to share on other blogs...Holy Moly! It's 2012 folks...with this new found confidence I might even try and use the Redbox reserve feature! 

you're consuming an extraordinary amount of sweet tea sir

So I just completed my 1st week of work at a lovely steakhouse...I'm picking up a few shifts on the weekends to feel like a part of the world. Besides the fact that I have a permanent annoyed face ( this is just how my face looks) making me completely unapproachable, I feel qualified.

Be sure and stop by so I can forget to refill your sweet tea and accidentally order your steak burnt...oh and of course sit down and eat your rolls with you. Just make sure to look up the side items yourself and I only know 2 of our 18 salad dressings so if you're not partial to ranch or thousand island, sorry!  

Plus you can enjoy my lovely new scent. It tends to remind me of fat people and ranch dressing. Yummy.